LET ME COUNT THE WAYS ... THAT I AM THANKFUL TODAY.

I was walking through the carpark an hour ago with my
trolley thinking that I really couldn't be bothered taking
it to the trolley bay even though I had $2 invested in it,
I was too busy thinking that I really wanted to get home
and do something productive and I had spent about
$105 more on groceries than I intended to today, I had
only really planned to get $10 worth of fruit, but ah
Mr. Martelli @ Rouse Hill Town Centre, I do love you!

I tuned into where my thoughts were taking me and
how I could think differently and started to be thankful
that while, yes I would have to take maybe 200 more
steps to return the trolley but I didn't have to walk ten
kilometres on some dusty road with my groceries or
water balanced on my head in extreme heat , and I
would get a return of $2 for the hire of my trolley,
a 100% return!! And if I really didn't want to go shopping
I could always sit at home on my computer and order
whatever I needed online and they even carry the
groceries into my kitchen!!

I thought that my children are well and happy and
will eat well tonight and tomorrow night and I don't
need to be concerned that the water they are drinking
might be contaminated with parasites that breakdown
body's through a variety of diseases.

Sometimes we can think life is hard then we think
compared to what.......

WHAT WAS HE THINKING?

Some days I'm tempted to ask God "What were you
thinking, when you gave me kids?" I mean, they're
not like puppies that you can put a collar on and take
to dog obedience school, and you can't surrender them
to the RSPCA for stealing your shoes, but there would
have been many opportunities for that, I regularly
hear my husband complaining that someone has
used all his razors, his socks, his deodorant, and on
occasion his car oil and petrol, on the other hand, I
often hear the boys yell out , "Where is Dads new
hiding place for the deodorant?" to which one or two
of the other boys reply, "It's in his first hiding place",
haha, Its a regular event and one of those times that
I am thankful that I have boys and not girls taking
my things!

But really, What was God thinking?, Did He want me
to be forever wondering if I was doing it right, even
getting one thing right!! Did He want me to face the
amazing selfishness that was hidden in my heart?
Did He want me to have something to do during the
day (and the night) so I didn't get bored? Was He
playing a joke on me because at times it has been
very funny.

I'm not sure why God wanted me to have these
children but I am forever grateful that He did,
the things that I have learned have filled my heart
to overflowing and wonder at what God has in
store for me next.

Good idea God!

TO NAG OR NOT TO NAG....

I have been thinking alot lately about the term "nagging"
and have been wondering about what it really means to be
a nag from the point of view of the nagger and the nagged!!

I stopped by and asked this horse last week if they could
shed any light onto the situation and why they had the
unfortunate label of being a Nag, well as you can see, she
wasn't overly happy with me bringing up such a sensitive
and humiliating topic of conversation, so I had to satisfy
myself by doing research in another way - Google.

The Dictionary defines a Nag as someone who is annoying
or irritating, persistently painful, troublesome or worrying,
faultfinding, like a toothache (ouch).

Another definition says it is probably Scandinavian in origin,
meaning to gnaw, bite.

And yet another source said it came from an Anglo Saxon
term which men used to call their wives, it said "As wives
became more and more ugly men likened them to horses,
hence the name Nag. Well , I don't know about you but I
wasn't planning to become ugly, let alone more and more
ugly. I laughed a lot when I read this, it helped a lot I guess
because this is not a term I have ever heard from my own
husband, (which I'm very thankful for) but I do hear it
thrown around from time to time.

So thats the side from the nagged, what about the one
doing the nagging? I've observed that someone can ask
ten times for the garbage to be taken out and it isn't
done and then they can be called a "Nag", Whats the
alternative? Leave the garbage to pile up? Take it out
yourself?

Sometimes we need to step back and see what is and
what isn't working for us. Maybe its looking at it from
someone elses point of view, where the outlook can be
very different, or maybe its choosing our time wisely to
bring up the problem, or listening to ourselves about the
way that we address the problem. There is always
options for us, we need to be openminded to see them.

By the way, a horse doesn't seem to do much complaining
from what I've seen, I could be wrong though, I think they
have been unfairly labeled, maybe thats what my friend in
the picture was trying to say....

WHAT NOW?

Time for a change? Not ready? Hate change?......

Everyday brings new changes and new challenges to our
lives and usually they are quite subtle, maybe just a
change in the weather that brings a change in the
temperature which causes us to change what we wear
and sometimes changes where we go and how we go
there. See we don't even really think about how much
changes around us until a bit more pressure is applied
and we have to stop and think about how we are going
to cope with the new changes.

Today I waved goodbye to my husband and son who are
away for the weekend with another father and son on a
hunting trip, my heart rejoices to know that we can have
the relationships that we do and that two of my favorite
men can go off and spend the weekend in this way, but
at the same time I had to address something else that
was going on in my heart, I had a momentary sense of
loss and a few tears when I remembered that when the
children were little, I always dreamed of days that I
would also go off with our daughter and do 'girl things',
and that is not to be in this lifetime.

Now normally I wouldn't share something like that but
I was thinking that this is a good place for me to come to,
that I would take that sadness out for a time and move
on and its okay.

I looked up other words for change and because of my
totally weird love of words, was pleasantly surprised to
find 104 other words to describe change, here are some
of them and what they meant to me in this situation.

Adjustment - adjusting myself to fit the current situation.
Advance - moving forward. (thats gotta be good!)
Correction - making right the situation for me.
Developing - growing stronger.
Enlargement - Whoa! I love this one.
Metamorphosis - Time to grow wings! Obviously!!!
Transform - make a thorough or dramatic change.

I love all these words because they show me that I am
making good decisions, but I must add some of the words
for change that I decided to discard today! haha
( the definitions are mine of course)

Tamper with - muck around with
Mutation - not part of what is considered normal
Evolve - makes me think I have no control over choices
Diminish - Make less
Flip flop - OH! What happened there?
Warp - Definitely odd.

See, We have a big part to play in how we let change
affect us. So, Whats on the Menu for Me for the
Weekend, Well I'm glad you asked.
Its Magazines, Movies (Gold Class @1pm), Massage,
PJ's, Choc, Chips, Wine and my beautiful girlfriend
is coming tonight with Thai takeaway.
Its a Beautiful Life!

SPRING IS IN THE AIR!

I love Springtime, I don't know about you but it brings
a whole new way of looking at life for me, its so aptly
named because everything just seems to be springing
to life and coming alive, lambing and calving, the
blossoms blessing us with their presence as we drive
along the road.

Springtime always seems like a time of new beginnings,
I try out new recipes, I want to change my home around,
to spring clean, to connect with people more, it has a
certain hope about it, ushering in a kinder time for a
lot of us as it closes the door on a nearly forgotten
winter.

There are seasons in our life as well, I wrote about it in
a poem last year.


THE REFINING.

Like a piece of driftwood, washed up on the sand
being scorched in the summer sun,
is the battle weary man.

Beside the rotting seaweed, amid the twigs & leaves
The shipwrecked man bent over, on his knees he pleads

For the carefree days again

He wants to look inside himself to find the courage within
His strength is spent, he knows that know
Where does he begin?

Along the stormy coastline, being tossed, to and fro
You see the broken man now
He's learning to let go

Of the things that just don't matter
The things that do not last,
His mind is at rest
He's making peace with his past.

See along the breakwater, walks an upright man
He's found a safe harbour where no sediment collects
With the seagulls overhead, alongside the buds bursting
The peaceful man rejoices, no longer thirsting

Like a piece of driftwood, washed up on the sand
soaking in the summer sun

the seasons refined the man.

I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I LOVE IT

Ever felt like you hate something that is so very good for
you? Its like that with me and discipline, mainly self
discipline, actually always self discipline!

I like to think that God made me with this free Spirit
that floats around enjoying whatever I want, haha,
and I can do that for a season, but alas that season
departs as quickly as it arrives and it seems to leave
behind a trail of destruction, much like a tornado,
you see for me, I realise now that the pleasures of an
undisciplined life are short reaching, and there are
consequences, like no socks, no dinner, no towels,
no good attitudes, no fun!!

Now I love doing things, all sorts of things, I have
the kind of mind that likes to know about a lot of
stuff but that all has to be in balance, for example
I love to create things , to have an understanding
of how a lot of things work, and thats great but it
doesn't get dinner on the table. I love to cook as well
and create delicious meals for my family and I feel
really good doing that, and then I remember that
God gave me a family who wants to eat every day!
What is it with that???

Well I have had to learn to make self discipline my
friend, ( we do have the occasional falling out, but I
know that being disciplined actually allows me to
be a much freer person than before).

This is a work in progress, I have had help of late
with a book that I have read from my Bible College
Course, called "Celebration of Discipline". The
course has also been teaching me to live my life following
a weekly planner, this is very good for me and I am
learning to love it!

"Its not enough to have great qualities; we should also
have the management of them ."

WHATS GOING ON?

I have a couple of friends who often say to me,
"I'd just like to see what is going on inside your
head, just for a day", so I thought I would put
yesterdays mind on my blog.

1. Driving Son to work @ 5.30am, we discussed
the value of life and in particular the taking of
ones life.
2. I came home and did 3 loads of washing and
made 4 dozen sausage rolls, put a casserole
in the crockpot, and wrote my blog about
Learner Drivers, ( He was out playing golf
for his birthday with his brother).
3. While driving to my connect group, I was
pondering about some photoshoots and
whether the lighting was going to work at
9.30am during the springtime. I was
listening to my new Moshi bassburger
boombox which connects to my Iphone,
I love it!
4. At my connect group ( which is a wonderful
group of women aged between 40 & 65), I
gained access to a great study book on
Leadership - she would only lend it to me
for a week so I need to read fast.
5. I went to Target to see if they have what I
am looking for for spring and summer, I
have decided to focus on 3 main colours (I
know, I'm not normal and I don't really
care!)
6. I sat in Maccas for 40 mins and did some of
my assignment and waited for my 18yr old
to finish work. I thought about the way I
managed time and whether I was doing it well.
7. After a request for an Oreo McFlurry with
Hot Fudge sauce, I picked up my son and we
continued to discuss the value of life, He thinks
it's valuable!
8. I discussed with 3 of my sons about the brain
capacity and the fact that research says that
we use only 10% of our brain and often are
told that we think too much, I asked them
what they thought the other 90% was for?
9. I spent an hour doing my language lessons
( I am learning 2 other languages) and then
sent a text message in one of them. I really
need to practise more.
10. I squeezed in 10 minutes of self taught
Zumba and felt more like Pumba dancing
to "The Gipsy Kings" in my studio.
11. The little boy next door told me I looked
weird when I was waving goodbye to
a friend , I thought to myself "You
oughta see me Zumba!"
12. I told Amos (our cat) that no matter how
often he runs to meet my husband after
work and wags his tail like a dog, he will
never be one, and if he continues to sleep
on the lounge on the decking after we have
vacuumed, he won't be a cat for much
longer either!
12. Off to have dinner with my Bible College
Buddies before 3 hours of College where
I hope to learn to be a great asset to society!
13. While driving home I wondered where
Anastasia Romanov was, I visited her home
in the Winter Palace in St.Petersburg in
1993 and she certainly wasn't there.
14. I checked on the Biggest Storm in the
world that was being unleashed on my
beloved homeland, New Zealand and
wondered whether it was whitebaiting
season.
15. I checked on Facebook (of course) and
chatted to two funny and great girlfriends,
I needed to be in bed by 10pm, I turn into
a pumpkin much earlier these days.
16. My husband asked me "Did you have a
good day, anything interesting"?, "Just the
normal!

"L" IS FOR LEARNER...

While out on our daily driving lesson yesterday,
I gained a very valuable insight.

We now have 35 hours behind us and they say
that when your learner (when it is your child)
has accumulated around 20 hours, they can start
to think that they know everything and don't
really need teaching anymore, (now I'm not
necessarily saying that this child has come to
this thinking, let me just say he is at a more
comfortable place behind the wheel.)

I remember one of our other sons saying, at
this stage of driving (with an attitude), "Mum,
I don't really need you to teach me anymore,
I know everything I need to know". I smiled
sweetly at that boy while ripping his 'L's' in
half and said, "Congratulations, thats great
love, you won't be needing these anymore".
It took him about 2 hours to come and
apologise and 2 minutes after that to realise
that he was going to be released from driving
lessons for the next week. Haha. It really is
a great learning experience for all of us.

Now yesterday I noticed that my new learner
was taking more, shall I say liberties in the
drivers seat so I said to him "You do remember
what the 'L' stands for , don't you love", and
without missing a beat he said "Of course,
LEGEND!" Well , needless to say, I have a
much better understanding of teenager boys
driving and of why I might feel the need for
therapy after one of our lessons!

Its all really a matter of perspective.

BEWARE THE LITTLE FOXES.

Our lives are so full of big events, busy schedules,
tricky circumstances and we can be so focused on
them that we tend to forget or are too tired to
see some other things happening in our lives.

There is a saying that was used frequently in the
past " Keeping the Wolf from the Door", which
often kept the major part of peoples attention.

Wiki dictionary says "Keeping the Wolf at the
Door" refers to any danger or predator that
seeks to ravage the inhabitants within, ranging
from starvation to poverty to death. Well these
days I am sure that a lot of us are still following
this quote and are completely unaware of the
little foxes that are coming down the chimney
or finding other creative ways to enter our
world.

Our Wolves don't need to be things like
starvation and poverty, they can be normal
everyday life things like studying for exams,
planning weddings, family tradegy, the things
that take all our attention and the foxes can be
the stress our children take on, the busyness
of an overload of activity or the grief our families
carry through loss, illness, trauma etc.

The important thing to remember is to keep
our eyes and ears and hearts open so that we
recognise that the Wolf is often in disguise and
the fox loves to sneak about.

All these things can be managed well when we
learn to see them but are impossible if we are
not looking.

Have a great day!

STAYING FOCUSED

Hi!!

The last time I blogged was on the day my son got
his L's, that should tell you something, yes, I have
another hat to wear, this hat fits quite nicely, of which
I am very thankful , being number 5 child, I have worn
it a few times before, and I even think its feeling
comfortable. (Just don't ask him, he thinks I should
give it back to the army).

Staying focused - wow, there is SO much life to stay
focused on as a busy mum, we can multi-task and
do it very well but we get a bit stretched when we
are multi-tasking our multi-tasking, you all know
what I mean, its when we have 10 things on the go
and we forget to cook dinner, pick up the kids,
get dressed or whatever else we probably should
have done. ( Kids like to get picked up, I know this
because we got a phone call from youth group at
10pm last night with our son saying "Mum, did
you forget something?)haha.

It is impossible for me to stay focused on my day
if I don't have it written in front of me, mainly
because, I love life and I love the surprises that
come along each day to season my life but I also
love to know that I have completed the tasks that
I have already set before me usually weeks ago
when I have spent time working on a life plan for
myself. Sound like too much hard work? Well it
works for me, so much better than leaving things
to chance that I might get it finished.

When I have my life planned out, it is easy for
me to say yes or no to the things that enter into
my life through the many channels that are
available these days, phone, mobile, internet,
mail.

At the end of the day, I can have a quick look
at my list and see if I have completed what I
wanted to, its good to see that I have been
busy, even better to see that I actually got
things done!

CELEBRATING MILESTONES!

Well today my baby turned 16 and I feel quite excited
to be at this stage of my life. We have made it here five
times now and survived, not all of them have made the
journey quietly, some parts of it has been with kicking
and screaming and I would like to say that was all on
the child's part but I know better!

So today this son hit the roads with great gusto with
his new L plates firmly in place, He started off the
day by asking me three times if my car was fully
insured and then rung his Dad to make sure, haha,
I guess its good that he's thinking ahead, isn't it?
I am really looking forward to spending the 120hrs
of driving with him, I used to think it was a long
time until I realised it was like a gift from God to
have this individual time with each child before
they hit the world full steam ahead, I love it.

At the end of the day on birthdays in our family,
we go round in a circle and tell the birthday
person what we love about them, how they
have blessed us over the last year and ask God
to bless them with something that is on our
hearts for them for the coming year, this time
always produces a lot of joy and laughter and
a few tears, this year one brother prayed for
his brother to be blessed with a hot girlfriend
with 3 sisters!

Today was also a different milestone for David
and I, our childrens ages collectively add up
to 100 today, so we have been parents for
100 years! Sometimes it feels like it, but not
today, we know we are very blessed.

Only 118 driving hours to go....

WHAT KIND OF VAPOR?

Today I heard this great talk reminding me that my days

on earth are numbered, that my life is but a vapor, just a

vapor, here one minute and gone the next, such a short

time really.

I went to see how the dictionary defined Vapor and it said -

Barely visible or cloudy diffused matter, Wow, thats

encouraging! Not! But just like the spray in the picture,

a vapor is a fleeting thing, something that disappears.

Its not all bad news though and I actually did get

excited because I realised that we may not have a

choice on how long we were a Vapor for but it got me

thinking about what kind of Vapor I wanted to

be, because I do think that we have a choice in this.

I could be like my favorite perfume - Flowers by Kenzo,

and I would like to be, leaving a lovely scent wherever I

go.

I could be like a gas vapor that powers others, but not tuned

into the right source, gas vapors can make people very

sick and even die.

I definitely do not want to be one of those smelly vapors

that people are always complaining about, you know the

ones, the chicken farms and paint factories, the annoying

people, the ones that make you want to run a mile from.

Maybe we need one of those Vapor Recovery Units that

manage greenhouse gases! haha.

Our lives may be short, but lets make them count!

WE LOVE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY - DON'T WE!

I was driving along today listening to the radio
when the guy talking said " What do you expect
God to come to the rescue in or change in your
life that you are not taking responsibility for?"

No matter how fast I moved to turn the radio
off or how much I wanted to pretend the radio
was static - my mind would not become foggy
and zone out when I wanted it to!

This is actually a good thing (I'm telling myself),
because one of the values I have that I want to
live by is that I always remain teachable, and then
something like this hits you in the face and I have
to move to the next step from not only wanting to
be teachable, but BEING teachable.

So, I am now pondering on What things I should
be taking responsibility for and I'm not?

'It is easy to dodge our responsibilites, but we
cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our
responsibilities'!

Time to grow up.

DO YOU PLAN TO FINISH WELL?

Do you have a plan to finish well?

There has been a lot of talk lately about not finishing
well, people from all walks of life who have been
on their life journey and then seeming to fall badly
and we all have our own measurements and
requirements about how good or how bad one is
doing life. Some of us just want to have a life!!

I guess for a lot of people the standard they
measure themselves by is a personal thing, it can
be a number of things like;

* the car they drive.
* the holidays they take each year.
* whether their parents are proud of them.
* money in the bank.
* whether they feel like they have achieved
what they wanted to.

I'm sure that they never plan to...

* Leave their spouse and children for someone
else.
* Ruin their firms reputation.
* End up addicted to drugs, porn, drinking.

For Me, the measurement is much simpler,
something I can look at daily and adjust if I
need to.

I believe that God has placed in each of us, gifts
and talents and abilities to show the world a
better way, to lighten the load for others, to
show people that there is much more to life than
living for ourselves. The things that God has
placed in us are like embers burning, a desire
to do well, we need to keep these flames burning.

In Ancient Greece, there used to be a Torch Race
called 'Lampadedromia' where each runner had a
torch and those whose torch went out during the
race were disqualified.

I don't want to be disqualified because I didn't
keep the fire inside me burning, because I had
nothing left to give.

By the way- I hear the Ancient Greeks ran naked!

LET YOUR YES BE YES, AND YOUR NO BE NO.

I heard it said once that a child's job is to get their parents
and the parents job is to not get got!!


Well since then I am thankful to say that I have learned
that there is much more to life than this, the only time
we should ever be playing games is when everyone is
aware of the rules and knows that they are actually in
a game, Life is too important to be on a playing field
trying to figure out what someone's next move will be.


As Adults and Parents, we need to be always aware of
what it is we are conveying, in the way that we are in
each of our relationships. When our children were little
I realised that little people can often be moody and try
to change other peoples minds and actions by their
moodiness, and if not sorted out, we are left with
moody adults who always try to manipulate people
around them to suit their own benefit...

Oooohhhh, thats ugly!

Two great rules to live by..

1. Don't manipulate others by your moods, thats ugly.

2. Don't be manipulated by others moods, thats just sad.

HI! THE PERSON YOU ARE TRYING TO CALL IS UNAVAILABLE.

I do a lot of talking in the car sometimes on the phone
and other times just talking to God about what is
happening in my world and it struck me today about
all the things that I am thankful for when I need to
spend time with God....

* No one answers and says "Sorry, the person you
are trying to call is unavailable."
* I never get put on hold while He's sorting out
your problems!
* I never have to say "Please don't tell anyone
else" ( I'm just presuming He doesn't!)
* He never tells me I talk to much!
* He never tells me its bad timing.
* I don't lose reception and wonder if He's hung
up on me.
* I never have to worry if I have come across
alright or whether I have hurt His feelings!
* And as far as I can tell, I've never rung the
wrong number!

Yes, I am very thankful for this direct line...

THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER.....

Driving home from the shops today I noticed a
paddock full of cows and one huge bull, it was
obviously in the herd for one reason, now it had
all these cows to choose from but it was standing
looking across the road to one cow that was
standing looking back at the bull.

It made me think really that there is a little
but of that bull in all of us at one time or another,
not that we want to be in with the other cow but
that the grass can look greener in someone else's
paddock.

Looks can be deceiving and our hearts can also
be deceived into thinking that life would be better
if this, and this and this could happen.
On closer inspection we would see that with a bit
of tweaking, our own paddocks (lives) could be a
lot greener and lusher for us to live in.

I think if the cow could talk it would tell us ...

1. Prepare the ground well and Water every
other day, don't let it go stale.
2. Keep the pests to a minimum.
3. Kill the weeds at the roots.
4. Maintain your own paddocks.
5. There are snakes in my grass too.

BREAKING BAD HABITS.

Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables....

Today I feel really challenged to break a habit in my life,
its not actually something that is huge or even really
bad but I realise that it is something that I would be
better off not doing, now I would love to say that I
have been spending time myself thinking about this
but in fact someone else pointed it out to me because
honestly I would continue along on my merry way
quite content to leave my habits in tact.

Once upon a time it would have been easy to do, to
avoid dealing with something like this habit but
now I have this inbuilt alarm that rings when
something has been pinpointed in me and I know
that I need to do something about it, this alarm
doesn't ring loudly or even for long, its more
like a gentle prompting, I am thankful for this
and the voice of wisdom that delivers it to me.

THE RHUBARB CHALLENGE!

Well I am pleased to say that when I set myself
this challenge today, it worked!


I belong to a Fruit & Vege Co-op in my area and
when we collected our order yesterday, the lady who organises
it all said to us "Do you like Rhubarb?" to which my husband
replied, "Yes, I love Rhubarb", followed quickly by "Oh No,
She doesn't know how to cook it!". Inside my head was "Oh,
doesn't she?, of course she doesn't , don't be
stupid", haha so of course I felt the pressure and like the good
wife that I am planning to be someday,I set myself the challenge
of making this Rhubarb and Apple Pie.
I'm sure it will taste divine with custard.


One of the many things I enjoy about being in the Co-op is that
I never know what is going to be in there from week to week.
People ask me if it bothers me to not get exactly what I want,
well in the past getting me exactly what I want in lots of areas
hasn't made me happy so I thought I could just go with the
flow of the buyers and enjoy learning to create new meals
with what I get given, I love it.

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT!

Now, before you start feeling completely sorry for me that
I had to go on my Girlfriend Retreat to Berry this weekend,
I thought I would share with you the things I had to buy so
I felt comfortable being away! I know, I know, it was a
sacrifice to leave a household full of males for 3 days and
be with my girlfriends, but somebody has to do it!

In my basket of goodies I found,

*12 Wine Glasses with bubbles already in them!
*A set of 3 cute notebooks, to take notes on my
girlfriends for my blog -
( shh, they don't actually know this!)
* A bottle of Stone's Original Green Ginger Wine.
* A fabulous pair of Red Felt & Cork Clogs
* The Real Hot Chocolate Spoon!
* Turkish Delight.
* A cute packet of Dried Fruit, Fruit Salad.

I offered to drive halfway, they thought I was being
nice but it was actually in my plan to stop at
the side of the road on the way to Berry where there
is a Brown Fridge full of fudge, the plan got even
better when I discovered no change in my purse
and the girls paid for the wonderful creamy caramel
fudge, life is sweet in the country!
We thanked the Jersey Cows in the paddock close by
for their contribution and took heed of the message
on the honesty box at the bottom of the fridge....

A Father told his Son on leaving home, "Let your
conscience be your guide".

I HAVE LEARNED TO CHILL OUT IF I THINK MY HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE ME, SOME DAYS HE DOESN'T LIKE COFFEE EITHER.

Some days are diamonds, Some days are stone
Some days the hard times won't leave me alone..


Well so it can seem when we struggle.

As a new bride, I remember feeling absolutely
bewildered and undone if my husband was not in
a good mood or was having his own hard times,
I thought I needed to change the way that I was,
so that he was happy. I now know that it is not
my job to make or keep my husband or anyone
else in my life happy, they get to make that choice
themselves just the way that we also need to
make our own choices on how we are going to
travel through life.

Giving or Receiving love doesn't have to be such
a mystery either now that we have great books
available like "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary
Chapman.


"You don't need to be on each others wavelengths
to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able
to ride each others wave's."

I HAVE LEARNED THAT MY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A DANCE, SOMETIMES POETIC AND COOL LIKE SWANLAKE, SOMETIMES HOT AND ALLURING LIKE THE TANGO, SOMETIMES YOU GET

TO DANCE TOGETHER STEP BY STEP LIKE
A WALTZ, GENTLY AND WITHOUT PRESSURE
AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DANCE ALONE.



Just because the music has stopped for a season or
the beat changes, doesn't mean we stop dancing....


Marriage is such a journey and one that can take us
to places that we never knew existed and some we
wouldn't wish to know about, but since we find
ourselves there, we oughta make the most of it,
Its an ugly thing to find ourselves somewhere we
don't want to be and to rebel against it with every
thing that is within us and then to find out later
that the key to getting out of the situation all lay
in our attitude.


How I would have submitted to the rules of the
lesson much earlier if I had of known I could
make such a difference.



The music may change, don't stop dancing.


We do actually have our own song that we dance
too and have done through the 26 years, and 3
years ago when we went on holiday,one of our
sons put it on his Ipod so we could dance on
the beach in Fiji....


" and when you get the choice to sit out or dance,
I hope you dance"

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF GOD HAS A PATH FOR ME AND I WANT MY OWN WAY, I WILL ONLY BE SETTLING FOR SECOND BEST.

I work tirelessly to work something out in my
own strength, (usually my future) knowing
that I have bitten off more than I can chew,
knowing that if I keep working tirelessly I
will only get exhausted but I still haven't
tried out Option J, K & L yet, its obviously
not time for me to reach out for some expert
help, I haven't quite hit that brick wall yet
that is certain to stop me in my tracks.

Ever feel like you get on this treadmill of
"if it's to be its up to me?" and just end up
exhausted and disillusioned?
I clearly remember a time where I thought
to myself that this treadmill is on a cycle
going nowhere and I'm not happy, am I?
I had to stop and take stock of what was
going on.

I knew that it clearly said in my bible
"I know the plans that I have for you,
plans to prosper you and not to harm
you,plans to give you a hope and a future"
and yet I wasn't feeling that hopeful or
harmless, I was feeling trapped and
tired of things not working.

When I rested on verses like this one
in Jeremiah 29:11, and trusted God for
my future, I learned that all my striving
would only get me second best compared
to the future God has planned for me.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES I SHOULD SPEAK UP AND SOMETIMES I SHOULD SHUT UP. (THEY SOUND SO ALIKE, NO WONDER I GET CONFUSED).

Just because we have a tongue, doesn't mean
we have to use it, I know, novel idea isn't it? haha.

I was discussing with a good friend a few years ago
about how often our friendship was saved because
we didn't always comment on things that the other
was saying or doing, for me this is really freeing
knowing that others don't always need my opinion
and I also get to learn along the way of what other
people are thinking and doing, quite refreshing
really.

I have so much to learn from the amazingly
gifted and talented people in my world and
I don't want to miss out on that , I hope to stay
teachable my whole life.

You cannot fill a cup thats already full!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU HAVE HIGH EMOTION, YOU HAVE VERY LOW OR NO LOGIC - TRY NOT TO MAKE BIG DECISIONS THEN.

Ever made an emotional decision and regretted it?

We can often think we know what we want when
we want it and don't think about the consequences.

Weddings are a great example in western society,
for some reason the wedding day has all been made
to centre around the bride, forgetting that the
wedding day is actually just a door way to the
marriage, the marriage, THE MARRIAGE!

Because of the height of emotion in planning this
day, all of a sudden all reasoning seems to go out
the door and this girl child that you have lovingly
raised wants (and sometimes demands) to have..

the perfect ring
the perfect dress
the perfect groom
the perfect bridesmaids
the perfect nails
the perfect hair
the perfect flowers
the perfect venue
the perfect photos
the perfect cars
the perfect honeymoon
the perfect house

the list could go on and on, I popped the groom in
the mix somewhere because he does seem to end
up there at times, just as part of the list. The
headache of giving in to these demands can have
far reaching effects, for both newly married couples
and contributing parents.

This is just an example of letting emotion overtake
us, let us not be a part of manipulating our own
lists to get our own way when we are highly
emotional, wait until we have worked through
what is going on, applying reason to our situations.
(Not to manipulate then, haha) but to make good
sound choices for our futures.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE ROUTE ( FROM LIFE AND ITS MANY PROBLEMS), YOU DON'T USUALLY LOOK AT WHERE OR WHAT

YOU ARE RUNNING TO, JUST WHAT YOU ARE
RUNNING FROM - IF WE HAD OUR EYES WIDE
OPEN TO SEE WHERE WE WERE GOING, WE
OFTEN WOULD NOT GO THERE.



There are many escape routes in this journey
through life, things that we turn to when the
going gets tough, things that we think will
take us away from the difficult, mundane lives
that we may be living. Things that we think
will give us more excitement, more money,
more power, more friends, more influence,
less worry, less boredom, fewer problems.



Some of the most popular escape routes
available today are television, computer
games, legal drugs, illegal drugs, drinking,
gambling, affairs - physical and emotional,
keeping busy.



An escape route is usually there to be able
to remove ourselves from danger, to be
able to have a way out when our lives are
threatened but these days we choose to try
and find a way out when we aren't in danger.

We have looked to have something fill a part
of us that we long to be content in.
We need to look at what we are choosing to
do, to change what needs changing without
taking a path that is causing damage to
ourselves or others in an attempt to deaden
our pain from the lives that we may have found
ourselves in.



By looking ahead to see where we could end
up ,can save us a lot of heartache.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WISDOM IS A WONDERFUL FRIEND!

I could not live without my friend WISDOM popping
into my life and spending quality time with me!
Now she may not have taken me out and bought me
Lattes and Sushi like some of my other friends,
but I am very thankful that whenever I have called
on her, she has showed up and given me just what
I needed when I needed it.

JUST SOME OF THE THINGS WISDOM HAS
TAUGHT ME...

* Wounds from a sincere friend are better than
many kisses from an enemy.

* Sometimes my friendships have been enriched
because I have spoken up and some because I
have shut up!

* The tortoise still finishes the race!

* There is no lion waiting in my kitchen to devour
me so I might as well get out of bed and start
my housework.

* If I don't put my lipstick on one day, he doesn't
notice, if I don't put it on for a week, he does!

* If I am late getting dinner on and put the oven
on with an onion in it, he thinks its on its way!

* If you like chocolate and eat too much of it,
you'll get sick.

* Singing cheerful songs to a person with a
heavy heart, is like taking someone's coat in
cold weather.

* If you want to build a tower, don't begin until
you have sat down and counted the cost,
whether you have enough to complete it.

* Sometimes a change is as good as a holiday!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT PMT IS JUST A MYTH. MY HUSBAND DOES SEEM TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM ONCE A MONTH THOUGH!

Okay, Okay, There may have been some tension
over the years at this time but having done my
calculations and worked it all out I have noticed
that once a month;

: My husband tells jokes that aren't funny,
: The kids don't help with any of their jobs,
: The house looks like someone trashed it,
: I feel like crying and
: I have nothing to wear.

So glad that PMT is just a myth girlfriends,
I would hate to be throwing a tantrum monthly
as well!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE TRUTH SETS YOU FREE.

When I became a Christian 21 Years ago, God sent
to me an angel in the form of a beautiful older
woman who walked with me through some really
interesting times of my life.

I was a single mum with 2 beautiful little boys,
1 & 3, and in my mind I didn't really know much
about anything (probably why I was sent this
angel!)

One of the most signficant pieces of advise she
ever told me was, "If someone comes to tell you
something about yourself, your husband, your
children, that is hard for you to hear,thank them
for coming, and thank God for allowing you to
see things from their point of view, then ask
God what is truth and what He wants you
to deal with and throw the rest away".

This has been amazing advise that
has taught me much through the years,
Its not easy to hear some things and it's
certainly not easy for people to come and
tell us what we may need to hear, both
need courage. Be courageous!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOME THINGS ARE DRAINS IN LIFE, ENERGY DRAINS, FINANCIAL DRAINS, BRAIN DRAINS, EMOTIONAL DRAINS - YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BLOCK THEM

BEFORE THEY DRAIN THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

Wow, We do have huge capacities to cope with a
lot of things in life but generally its not good for us
to try to cope with everything at once and at
times we have a lot of things coming our way
and we need to learn to negotiate the path that
we are going to take so that we are still running
our life well and not on empty.

ENERGY DRAINS - Those things that totally
exhaust you so that you have nothing left to
give, we need a balance so that we are not
giving out all the time and leaving nothing
left for ourselves or the fun things in life.

FINANCIAL DRAINS - You know those
things that we think we really really want
and you don't even like when you get them
home. Its actually okay to enjoy and be
content with what we have. This winter I
gave myself a challenge, only to buy a
couple of accessories and be creative with
what I already have in my wardrobe, I'm
loving this.

BRAIN DRAINS - I know this may sound
new to some of us, but we are allowed to
rest and relax our minds, to read or watch
mindless funny things. We are even
allowed to learn from our mistakes, haha,
If we're really clever we can learn from
other peoples mistakes as well!
Don't think so much, just learn the lessons!

EMOTIONAL DRAINS - Sometimes we
surround ourselves with right thing at
wrong time, takes chick flicks for example,
I love a good chick flick but if I am already
emotionally stretched, I know I'm not
doing myself any favours by taking
myself too close to the edge, I need to
live in such a way that my reserve tank
is always full.

Don't let life drain out of you.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE LITTLE, THEY WATCHED EVERYTHING I DID, - AND THEN THEY TOLD THE NEIGHBOURS!

For 7 years we were Diary Farmers in New Zealand
and during the winter we sent our cows to be
looked after (wintered) at different farms about
three hours away. They travelled in trucks and
we drove behind them.

On this particular trip, the cows were loaded up
and our four year old was going to travel with the
truck driver and was very excited, he had been
sitting in the cab with him for about ten minutes
when the truckie pulled up beside me and wound
down his window and said, "Hey Lady, You ain't
got no secrets now". Hahaha.

And thats the way it is with kids!

HE HAS...

He has

sent ME to

HEAL


the


BROKEN HEARTED

(and you)

I HAVE LEARNED TO LISTEN, LOVE & LAUGH.

AND USUALLY IN THAT ORDER.

As a Mother and Wife, you have a big variety of jobs
on any one day, and that can mean a lot of different
hats to put on, and a lot of juggling to try and get
everything right.

Take the preteen years for example; one day they
feel like they are grown up, the next day they feel
like they are still young, ( well they may not feel
like it but they can sure act like it), so that could
mean that they want you for a parent one day and
a friend the next but they don't actually come
with badges to tell you which day is which, so
often you can get it wrong.

Because we had two boys and then a girl and then
two boys, our third son used to call the older boys
'the bigs' and the younger ones 'the littles', we
were always amused during that preteen time as
he would be one of the bigs if they were doing cool
stuff and one of the littles if they were getting
treats!

I have learned during those years that I didn't
need to solve all the problems, disputes,
arguments, dilemmas that came up, often I
just needed to listen, love and laugh. This was
often more empowering for them than telling
them what to do although quite often they
needed advice as well.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF YOU GET DEALT A HAND STACKED AGAINST YOU IN LIFE, YOU DON'T GET A REDEAL, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE THOUGH - TO PLAY THE BEST

DAMN HAND YOU CAN!

People have often said to me over the years, "You must
have really loved your husband to get back together
with him after 3 years?", I just smile sweetly and tell
the truth, "No actually, I couldn't stand the sight of him
and he couldn't stand the sight of me, and it was the
first time we had agreed on something for a long time",
haha, maybe we thought we could make it.

So why? Well after we split up and I decided to live
my life as a Christian, I also decided I would live my
life the best way I knew how and that meant that any
time I thought the cards were stacked against me, that
I would find a way to lay them out on the table that
looked like I had a hand full of aces.

For me that meant that I would always choose to
be a student of my circumstances and not a victim
of someone else's decisions.

I remember in the first few months of getting back
together and sitting on the bathroom floor and
sobbing, asking God for strength to live with this
man who didn't love me and asking God at the same
time, "What was I thinking? And how come you let
me do this, whose idea was this anyway???


Yes, sometimes I played my hand too early and I
got beaten up a bit and other times I showed my
cards to people who used them against me, but all
in all , I have played the best damn hand I could,
and I would do it all again.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT GRIEF HAS IT'S OWN AGENDA, IT ARRIVES WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT AND LEAVES ON ITS OWN ACCORD.

Grief - Something I realise now that we all must face one
day, in one form or another, and we will all face it our
own way, there is no right way to grieve, each must
work through the sorrows of life, the loss of whatever
or whoever we hold dear, this is a subject I never
wanted to know anything about and yet, I have learned
to make Grief and Sorrow my friends incase they call
to visit me again one day, I never want to be caught
unaware again.

Looking back, I don't know that I handled this part of
my life particularly well but having said that, I don't
know what I would have done differently. For a long
time I kept the sorrow inside of me which was bad
for my health, I was very thankful to discover that I
could write about it in the form of poems and in
that way I learned to express it.

So even though Grief does have its own agenda,
arriving when you least expect it and leaving on its
own accord, I found I could learn to face it and
manage it and not let it overwhelm me anymore.

A poem I wrote in the midst of my journey with
Grief...


SLIPPING AWAY

Contained within these pages
Is more than you can see
Mingling with the ink
Is the very heart of me

The words are laced with passion
That I just can't express
To communicate heartache
To write down distress

These pages should be drowning you
They cry a pool of tears
They carry packed emotion
that I've gathered through the years

I try to ignore them
They haunt me even more
The words they overtake me
Leaving me hurt and raw

Where have they been hiding
These words of my heart
Seeing them on paper
Is pulling me apart

How do you write a scream
That never ever ends
Speak to me indifference
You'd make a great friend.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT FRIENDS ARE LIKE FLOWERS, SOME ONLY SEASONAL, SOME YOU ONLY WANT TO SEE AT A DISTANCE, SOME ARTIFICAL, SOME ARE EXPENSIVE

AND HARD TO MAINTAIN, OTHERS YOU WANT TO PICK
AND TAKE HOME EVERY WEEK AND SOME FILL YOUR
LIFE WITH PERFUME. THANK GOD FOR FRIENDS!

When I wrote this as one of my lessons last year, I had so
many friends ask me "OK Nelsa, which one am I?" haha,
Well all my friends are special for different reasons, they
each add a different fragrance to my life and its true, like
real flowers, some friends are seasonal, not because we
don't want them for friends any more but I like to think
that they have been given to us for a time in our lives
when we may have needed the Colour and Perfume that
they have added.

I have tried to dissuade my children from using the term
"best friends", because I always thought that left people
out and we can have friends for different things, some I
go to the movies with, some I laugh out loud with (until
our stomachs ache and tears are rolling down our faces),
some I cry with, some I wagged school with, some who
have known me since we were 6years old and vulnerable,
some who knew me when I shaved my hair off. Some
are new friends.

Sometimes I try to imagine being in the same room at
at the same time with all my friends, what a bouquet
that would be!

I hope to be the kind of friend that expects nothing,
who can just pick up where we left off last week,
last month, last year, whenever.

These days I appreciate my friends SO much, they
are the spice of life.

Thank you for Colouring my World.
Nelsa x

I HAVE LEARNED THAT SELF- CARE IS VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR THE HEALTH OF MY FAMILY AND MYSELF.

I waited for years for the magic maid and all her helpers
to come wait on me hand and foot. I'm sure she knew
that I needed her assistance and lets face it, it sure
looked like she had been to most of my girlfriends
places!

I'm still waiting...... she never arrived.

What exactly was I waiting for? Well I didn't know
how to get everything done that NEEDED to be done
and still find time to do somethings that filled my
own tank.

One day when I was totally overwhelmed by the
enormity of raising five children, one of them with
high special needs, I sat down on the couch and
sobbing said "God, I don't know how to do this,
everyone reminds me that I have a child with
special needs and as far as I can see, I have 5
children, all with their own special needs and my
husband has a few of his own special needs as
well!, Whose needs am I supposted to be
meeting today?", and very clearly God dropped
into my Spirit, YOURS.

That day was the beginning of me thinking that
I needed to find time for myself , to check out
how I was traveling through life, to put in place
somethings that worked for me and my family
so I could have a break.

For the next 3 years I had a girl come twice a
month, one day she picked up our eldest child
and the grocery list and got our shopping done
for the month, she also came home and put it
all away, and on the other day she came at 7am
and stayed til 7pm and I walked out of the house
as she arrived and came home again when the
kids were all ready for bed, during that day I
did whatever I wanted, visited friends, met
my husband for lunch, sat and read at a cafe,
whatever worked for me.

Don't wait till you fall apart to take time out,
life as a Mum can be a huge juggling act, find
what works for you and enjoy it.

The Magic Maid is not coming and she hasn't
been to your girlfriends either.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO COOK WHEN THEY ARE LITTLE, YOU CAN HAVE A NIGHT OFF.

Friday nights were "Make it Yourself Nights" for years in our
family, we all loved it that way but especially me as cooking
day in day out for seven people and often extras, it was nice
for a change.

I remember fondly the time our 7 year old son had his 5
year old friend over for dinner and it happened to be a make
it yourself night, Tim asked his younger friend,
"Do you like eggs?" "Yes"
"Do you like boiled or poached", "WHAT?", this little 5 year old
didn't know the difference, Tim decided he would like poached.
Second Course...
"Do you like Instant Pudding?" "Yes"
"Chocolate or Strawberry?" "TIM, ARE WE COOKING DINNER?",
as this concept dawned on him, this little 5 year old boys face was
priceless, you would have thought that these poached eggs and
Instant Pudding was a dinner for Kings.

The Mum of this little guy told us weeks later that he was still
so proud of himself because of that night that he helped cooked
dinner at the Simmonds house.

I also remember one Friday night, one of the boys answering the
phone and telling the caller that they were having Rice Bubbles for
dinner!

Haha, You too can have a night off if you teach your children to
cook eggs!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT GRACE FREE'S YOU FROM FROM ALL THE BONDAGE THAT HAS WEIGHTED YOU DOWN AND CAPTURES YOUR SPIRIT TO SOAR!

Growing up, Grace, was just my grandmothers name and
something that you sung every now and then, since then it
has taken on a whole new meaning.

You know how it is when you stuff up big time and think
that the consequences are not going to be pretty and then
you find there isn't any. And the times you know for sure
that you are not going to get away with speeding, when
you are sitting at the side of the road and the policeman
is checking out all your details, he comes back and says
"Excuse me ma'am, this time I'm just going to caution
you", what is that?
That my friend is GRACE, kids are really good at showing
grace, they forgive you time and time again when you stuff
up with them.

GRACE is also a free gift that God gives you, when we sing
about "Amazing Grace", some of us know that the writer,
John Newton wrote 'Amazing Grace' after learning that God
forgave him, a slave trader, who had participated in the
death of many slaves at sea.

My own sin, much the same as anyone elses, kept me in
bondage and caused a huge weight for me to carry around
and now knowing that God never intended for me to carry
that, has released me to enjoy who I was created to be,
to enjoy my marriage and children, and the freedom and
peace that goes with it.

One of the greatest things in receiving grace is realising
that we can also show it to others and release them from
their burdens too.

Amazing Grace! Of course it is.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE MORE SELF-SUFFICIENT I BECOME, THE FURTHER I AM FROM GOD.

At times we can pride ourselves on how self-sufficient we are, being a self-made person, making it on your own, doing your own thing.


Wikipedia states: SELF SUFFICIENCY refers to the state of not requiring any outside aid, support, or interaction, for survival.


Oh, now I'm cringing because of course I need outside aid, support, and interaction for survival and whoever made the statement that we can have it all, do it all, be it all and by ourselves, was ridiculous, and while we are at it, ONE SIZE does not fit ALL and NEVER WILL!


The times that I try to do things my own way without help from others (when I really need help), I stumble and fall and not usually straight away, usually after I have caused some sort of damage or cost to myself.


God intended us to be in relationship with Him and others so that our journey through life would be much easier than trying to do it alone, to be self-sufficient in somethings is great, like having a shower but in other things, it makes life hard.

Enjoy the Journey.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I DON'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, THEY MIGHT CONTROL ME.

The joy of emotion, the sorrow of emotion.

Pride, Irritation, Anger, Resentment, Guilt, Shame, Condemnation,
Rejection, Grief, Humiliation, Anxiety, Fear, Insecurity, Despair,
Misery, Hurt, Sorrow.

None of us are immune to the downside of our emotions but quite
often we can make choices to change the outcome of these difficult
times so that we can learn from them and don't have to become
defeated in our circumstances.

Four years ago, a good friend and I both lost our daughters in very
different ways, ours, after years of living with Autism and trying to
deal with an unhelpful social system, was placed in long term care,
my friends daughter died suddenly from an undiagnosed illness.

Both girls, 17 & 18, dearly loved, had loving Dads and siblings
who adored them, neither would come home again, our lives
would no longer be the same.

As Mums, we were both thrown into grief overnight, each of the
emotions I mentioned above came to visit us in our darkest
moments. I wept until my cheeks were raw and screamed out to
God that this wasn't supposed to happen, but it had and I wasn't
in control and never was, and there was nothing I could do
except stay close to God and work through what I needed to.
I would like to say that I did this quickly and quietly and
gracefully but the truth is, Me and God, we're still working
on it, but I did make a choice that was a defining moment for me.

One Friday after I had already been crying for weeks, I said to
my husband, "I'm only going to cry until Sunday", he looked at
me like I had gone mad (grief can do that!) and he said, "Talk
to me", I said " I am going to grieve for the rest of my life but
not like this, not this heavy, heavy sorrow, if I don't make this
choice, my emotions will take over", and thats what I did.

My friend also made this decision, she had also recognised
that some emotions are dangerous. Did grief stop when the
decision was made? No. Do we still get overwhelmed sometimes
and cry? Absolutely, but we also allow ourselves to cry.

We have also learned to celebrate our daughters and our
courage for making the decision.

Its not always helpful for others to tell you "Its time to
move on", I pray you have the courage to do so yourself,
and to seek the help you need, no matter what the
circumstance you may be facing.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN EVERYTHING IS STRIPPED AWAY FROM YOU, ALL YOU HAVE LEFT IS RELATIONSHIP.

Sometimes you can have a big day, a big week, a big month or a big year, and sometimes a big life!

Well 2006 was a big year for us and I for one am very thankful that we didn't know going in to it what was going to be around the corner.

We signed a long lease on a house and a few months later our owner died and we had to move so we signed another long lease and our owners had financial difficulty and had to move back in, so in a period of 11 months, we had lived in 3 houses, thats a lot of packing and unpacking! During that time I collapsed from stress and was in bed for 4 months, and to top it off we lost our business and my husband was out of a job.

When you are hit by so many things in a short period of time, its a bit like white water rafting, you don't really have a lot of time to adjust , you just gotta hold on.

I learned that when everything is stripped away from you, all you have left is relationship and even though you are hurting and overwhelmed, its important that we look after those close to us, that while our emotions are stretched to their limits, we need to be careful that we don't do
damage to those around us, usually the ones trying to help us.

Feedback from Life Lessons!

My husband told me yesterday that he thinks I still suffer from LESSON NO.3, You know the one, where I want to be right!

I said "Oh thank you Darling, How do you suggest I work on this?" (Maybe I dreamed this response!!)

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I CHOOSE TO LISTEN, I HEAR THINGS, LIKE MY HUSBANDS POINT OF VIEW. AMAZING, I WISH I HAD LEARNED THIS 24 YEARS AGO,

EVEN 4 YEARS AGO WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.

I don't know if you've ever been there, but sometimes I have
so wanted to get my point of view across that I wasn't even
listening to what he was saying, I was just formulating what
I was going to say next and how I was going to say it and
boy is was going to be good!

Good communication is like a game of tennis, the conversation
goes back and forth, not with somebody hogging the ball and
we don't have to ace our partners, Its a friendly game!

I have a feeling I still have lots to learn....

I HAVE LEARNED THAT I AM NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. (please don't tell David this, he will frame it).

Do those of us who think we know everything, know that you really annoy those of us who do?

Okay, This is confession time, just because I have learned that I am not always right doesn't mean that I'm not always right, it just means that sometimes I could be wrong and I can't think
of one of those occasions, just joking......

The real confession is, I do like to be right, but being right now doesn't matter to me like it did when we were first married or even for the first twenty years.

Dr.Phil, who we affectionately named Uncle Phil, posed a question in his conflict resolution to the couples he counsels, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?".

Its a funny thing to think that something could matter so much to us that we put it above happiness and our relationships, nobody wants to be married to someone who is always right or who thinks they are.

I have learned that somethings don't really matter so much and this is one of them.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAS TREATED ME LIKE ROYALTY, OUR FOUR SONS ARE TURNING OUT THAT WAY TOO.

Over the years you can collect a lot of funny memorabilia, sayings, etc in your family that only mean something to you, those memories become priceless and even lifelong lessons.

One of these things has made me smile many times, its when my husband was taking me out on a date one evening and he told the children that he was going to dinner with the Queen, well the children had no trouble believing him as they knew that their Dad was English and growing up, on a school trip once, he had travelled to London to see the changing of the guard and hoping to

get a glimpse of the Queen, of course there was fits of laughter when they realised that on this occasion their Mum was the Queen. They loved this joke and it continued through the years.

I even heard them relaying it to their friends from time to time.

I see that not only do our children see and copy the annoying things that we do, they also copy the good things.

One night I was late home from a planning meeting for a Women's Retreat and one of the children, while not necessarily saying that they were proud of me would do other things to show it, so when I walked in the door at 11pm ,this 16 year old son greeted me with the music playing quietly, the candles lit and he had made me an apple pie. My heart rejoices when I see the beautiful things my husband has relayed to our sons. (He would like it to be established (16 yr old), Yes he loves to do nice things, and No, he is not gay! haha)

I keep this crown on our dining table to remind me that if I am raising Princes, I better act like a Queen.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL THE ATMOSPHERE IN MY HOME BY HAVING A GREAT ATTITUDE OR NOT.

As a Mum, the way we wake up in the morning and bounce lovingly and joyfully into our day has an effect on who is living in the house with us, (unfortunately, haha).

This was brought home to me when my children were little and I overheard one of them saying to the others, "If Mum ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", and I, like Mary - pondered this saying in my heart (for the rest of my life!!) (I pondered a few other things about this kid in my heart for a while too!).

The irony of it was that between the ages of 1 and 2, this child used to wake up grumpy, not just in the morning but also after his afternoon sleep and the only thing that worked for him was if I put him straight back in his bed after one warning, very quickly he mended his ways and we lived happily together, so in my ponderings and reasonings the thought that I also should go back to bed was very, very tempting.

While hearing my child say this was funny at the time and is still funny now, I determined in my heart from that day that I NEVER wanted to hear that saying again and I haven't, but close relations have echoed through my home from time to time to remind me that I do indeed have the power to control the atmosphere in my home by having a great attitude or not.

LIFE LESSONS.

At this time last year I wrote "What I've learned in 25 Years of Marriage" which ended up to be 25 things, anyway I have been asked a few times if I would turn it into a book and one day I just might but for today I have decided to blog each of the 25 things individually, so that is what I will be blogging about for the next 25 days.


P.S. I probably learned more than 25 things, well I hope I did !

CELEBRATING YOUR OWN WAY!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY - LOTS OF LOVE!

I nearly didn't blog today about our anniversary but then knew I would get messages as to what we did.

Well 5 years ago on our 21st Wedding Anniversary, My wonderful husband thoroughly spoiled me with a Suzuki Grand Vitara with personalised number plates with my name on them, he also bought me a Chevosky Crystal necklace hand made in Paris with 5 crystal hearts on it , one for each of the children, yes, I do know I was spoilt. He got a leather jacket, He still looks spunky in it!

So after that I said we cannot every year try to do better or more or whatever, we just decided to enjoy what happened that year, so then we started a tradition for the next phase of our life, that we would celebrate our anniversary for a week and on one of those days go for a drive and find something we like to symbolise our marriage and the place we are at, hence the photograph of our new wine rack, symbolising that our marriage is like a fine wine, getting richer every year!
Now we just need to fill it.

So, this week we have meet at cafes for coffee and cake, had breakfast together, been for walks,
and been out for dinner, and I have to say not everything goes as you would expect...

Three nights ago I certainly didn't expect to finish our dinner at an amazing restaurant and find myself an hour later on the floor of Hawkesbury Hospital Emergency Centre vomiting my heart out into a sick bag and I sure don't think David thought he would be there holding my hair back, hahaha, now I know what food poisoning is and I never want to have it again, ever.

Whats on the menu tonight? I'm cooking!
Beef Stew with Red Wine Caramelised Veges and Parsley Dumplings, (What can I say, I married a Pom!) And Banoffee Pie.

The days we have to celebrate are special to all of us and I think a key is finding the way to celebrate them that works for you, the decision for us to not think that we had to buy expensive gifts every year or try to do what others do, was a pivotal point for us. Its important to know when to stop or when to alter what we do.

I'm off to grab a takeaway coffee to have with my husband at his work.

Tena koe i to Huritau David, Aroha nui, Nelsa

WHY SHOULD I BE THE FIRST ONE TO CHANGE?

If I could have a dollar for every time someone has said these words to me, I could be a rich woman, well at least be wearing Prada.

Why should I be the first one to change? Well honey, usually you are the only one who notices that there needs to be change! The real question is "Am I going to be the one who is willing to change?"

This week we celebrate our 26th Wedding Anniversary and I always reflect this week on how God has been so faithful in our marriage and what He has done with us as a couple.

When people find out that we had a three year period of separation in our marriage and it really looked like we were never going to see eye to eye on anything, let alone get back together, they often share with me that they are frustrated that they are the only ones who can see that their marriage is in trouble and "Why do they have to make the first move?", I don't usually tell them that they are probably going to have do the second, third and fourth moves as well.

But the truth is , Marriage like any other relationship takes work, and I want to encourage you to take the first step to start turning this into a healthy relationship. Most of us want a marriage that we can enjoy but instead we have something that we have to endure.

If you are the one who knows that change needs to happen, then have the courage to seek help,
there are courses, books, counsellors and even friends who we can turn to.

Our marriages are meant to be enjoyed, not endured or injured.

Have a great day.
Nelsa x

TAKING TIME OUT.

I like to take time out every day to do some quiet reading, something that renews my Spirit, that fills me up to be able to pour out something of value and encouragement to those around me,these days it is easy for me to do that as my family have grown to an age and stage that I

get time to do this but it hasn't always been that way.


I remember clearly when the kids were little, 1,3,5,7,9, and I had to make the most of the time that I had, to use the gaps during the day or create some so that I was getting that time for me.


The most effective way I found to do that was to make sure that the things that I wanted to do/read etc, were all in the one place because if I had to run around looking for them and gathering them from a few different places, then that was taking up all the precious time I had and the moment was gone. I got a basket that I liked and put in it my Bible, pen, paper, cards, stamps, book, hand cream, anything that helped me to be organised for that quiet time.


Having the basket meant that when there was opportunities to go outside and watch the kids playing I could take that with me and I could grab some reading time then.


Sometimes I hear Mums says that they are too busy, that they can't find time to do the things that matter like this but we all have 24 hours in our day, we need to use them wisely, we need to know how to fill ourselves up and encourage ourselves as well, otherwise we can find ourselves crawling through the day flitting from job to job and place to place and running on empty.


For me, I needed to start my day before my children woke, to gather myself together and remember what silence was like, ah beautiful silence, I remember you, haha.

Some days you just gotta throw away the basket, grab a girlfriend and enjoy some different time.

Lets do ourselves a big favour and look after ourselves.


Have a great weekend. Drink Coffee, Eat Chocolate!
Love Nelsa.

SHE ARISES EARLY....

She arises early in the morning and prepares breakfast for her household.......
She plans the days work for her servant girls....
She goes to inspect a field and buy it.....
She is energetic and strong and a hard worker.....

Now, I would love to say that is exactly why I found myself up at 5am this morning but the truth is I woke to the rain bucketing down outside and my husband asking me where his work pants were!

Ah, Organisation, will either be our friend or our foe.

Today it was my friend, never more happy to tell him that his pants were safely in the dryer where I put them the night before, I waved him off happy (from my bed) and thought 'phew, that was a close call'.

The years of having a big family have taught me that there are somethings, that while they may
not come naturally, need to be developed and organisation was one of them.

Being organised , this is slowly becoming a strength, for me who loves to be spontaneous with life, when I am organised in my home and my head then I have the flexibility to be spontaneous as well and my life doesn't need to become unravelled because of it.

No longer living in Chaos ( Can't have anyone over syndrome), I can relax today and enjoy lunch with my beautiful friend and young Mum when she arrives.

You were a brave woman who opened todays blog with that title!
Enjoy your day.

ARE WE BEING NICE?

I was reading just the other day that we speak to ourselves at a rate of 1300 words per minute!
Wow, thats pretty impressive but no wonder we can get exhausted , my mind boggles wondering if this is every minute of every day or do we sometimes give ourselves a break or sometimes do we accelerate to 1500 words per minute!

So, what are we saying to ourselves that we need to say so much? Are we being nice?
If we are at a good place in our life and all is going well, we may be telling ourselves some quite nice things like...
* Way to go girlfriend, you're doing well.
* My goodness, your butt does look good in those jeans.
* Your house looks fantastic!

but chances are you maybe at some stage in your life where you are feeling a bit broken and hurt and you could be telling yourself some very different things like...
* You will never amount to anything.
* The house looks trashed.
* You should know better.

Before long these thoughts can turn to really harmful if we are not careful to make a decision to be nicer to ourselves, I had struggled with guilt and condemnation with my self talk for years until I made a decision that instead of listening to myself, I was going to start talking to myself and being nice , sometimes we need to challenge our attitudes, thoughts and habits.
Try it! You'll love yourself for it.

HALLELUJAH , (shrek song)

Today was a chill out day for me and I wanted to share this version of Hallelujah with you.

Check out these 4 Norwegian guys! Beautiful, not the guys, the composition!

Hope you've had a great day.

LITTLE THINGS.

Our lives can be so busy and so full and we can constantly stress about not getting all the big things in our schedule done and then every now and then we can have a light bulb moment that reminds us that we are the ones who put things on our "to do" list, we are the ones who put our

schedules together, we are the ones who make the choices to fill our lives up with the things we do every day.

Does that mean that we are the ones who load ourselves up with this busyness, this craziness, that can sometimes lead to discontent, dissatisfaction and sometimes even burn-out.

The good news is that while we often are the ones who have loaded ourselves up with too much to do in so little time, we are also the ones that can make another choice for ourselves so that our lives become much more balanced and we even realise that not only does the world not fall apart when we stop doing all these extra things, it doesn't even slow down and stop, our world continues to work without us stressing and even works better for us.


When things get too busy for me, I have learned to stop and take stock of where my life is headed and whether the things that matter to me the most are getting done. For each of us it
will be different, but for me, I need to make sure all the little things are being done, the housework, spending time with my family, meals on the table, my study assignments and doing
things to bless my family.


I made this cake a couple of days ago and took a photo to remind me that this is a little thing that matters at this time, and to remind my family that I did bake this year!

The little things are important and often get pushed aside but I find if I take care of the little things, the big things just fall into place.

IN CONTROL

Every now and then I like to know that everything is in control in my world and even that I can control parts of it, haha as if.

Last week I was walking alongside a lake and saw groups of ducks all doing their own thing and I said 'You know what God, I want all my ducks in a row, I want to know that everything is in its place and going to work out great before I step out and do anything" and there are times when
God sees my insecurities and has a joke with me to show me He sees what bothers me but also
to remind me that HE is in control,not me.

This was one of those times because as soon as the words came out of my mouth, these three ducks hopped off their log and started forming a row, haha, this seemingly was the only ducks in a row that I was going to get but it still makes me smile today and I get the point that I am not in control and the future is not going to be mine to see.

I had a similar conversation a few days ago with someone else and they said that they only wanted one duck to be in a row, I laughed and said "Well all your ducks are in a row then", haha
I think they are in a worse place than me, their ducks are in a row and they don't even know it.

I watched for a bit longer and saw I could learn a lot more from the ducks, some of them were basking in the sun, some were staying in shallow waters, some were hiding in the weeds at the edge of the lake and others were standing on the banks looking down into the water as if to want to test it, still others were preening themselves in the middle of the lake splashing water everywhere, a group of them were squawking together flapping their wings about but one duck stood out, it was flying up and down the lake, sometimes high and sometimes low but always up above the rest and it seemed to be effortless, much the same way it is for me when I remember that God is in control and not me.

Ducks are just Ducks, and as far as I can tell, they don't have any trust issues! haha.

Have a great weekend.

Love Nelsa

LIFE SUPPORT

Yesterday I got a lot of feedback from people who are struggling through their hard times and it got me thinking about our support systems and what we have in place in our lives to help us manage the more treacherous waters we can find ourselves in.

NASA often uses the phrase Environmental Control and Life Support System or the acronym ECLSS when describing their systems for its human spaceflight missions. The life support system they use may supply air, water and food, it also maintains correct body temperature, an acceptable pressure on the body and shields against harmful external influences entering your space.

Now while most of us aren't going to be astronauts in the near future,during the hard times we can feel like we are floating around on a different planet and have no idea where to turn to next and a lot of us don't have our own Life Support System in place or what that would even look like for us. What we do know is that at times we mismanage the pressure and harmful influences that enter our own space.

Like NASA, first we have to recognise that we have a need for the support, the hard times we face are different for each of us, grief, loss, trauma, crisis, they can all come in different forms, job loss, job disatisfaction, death, teenage years, sick children, unresolved issues that keep returning, we all have experienced some hard times that we needed support in.

Friends we can trust can be a great start for our personal supports, let them in to share your life, we need friends to both laugh and cry with and to make it through this season in life. I am so thankful for the friends I have surrounding me through this journey.

Have a great day, looking forward to hearing from you.
Nelsa

HARD TIMES.

Today I wanted to share something that I have been pondering for a couple of weeks, and thats making the best out of a hard situation.
We have all had our fair share of difficult times, times where its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, where the going is so tough that we want to sit down and cry and not get up again, and then we hear that phrase 'the tough times are when you grow', well I've seen plenty of people go through hard times and it hasn't done them any good and I've had a couple of my own where I have thought that I could have done much better than I did.

And then I realised that its not the hard times that make you grow, its deciding in your heart to be a student of them and not a victim, its resolving to honor God and not compromise on your values and who you are, its about respecting yourself and taking the time to look after yourself in amongst the chaos and know that this time will pass, another new day is coming.

Today is the beginning of my new blog, usually I have quite a lot to say but tonight I find myself
without words. Don't worry it won't last long, tomorrow I'm sure I'll find something weird and wonderful to share with you.
For now I'm just feeling pleased with myself that I learned how to do this!

Nelsa x