I HAVE LEARNED THAT SELF- CARE IS VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR THE HEALTH OF MY FAMILY AND MYSELF.

I waited for years for the magic maid and all her helpers
to come wait on me hand and foot. I'm sure she knew
that I needed her assistance and lets face it, it sure
looked like she had been to most of my girlfriends
places!

I'm still waiting...... she never arrived.

What exactly was I waiting for? Well I didn't know
how to get everything done that NEEDED to be done
and still find time to do somethings that filled my
own tank.

One day when I was totally overwhelmed by the
enormity of raising five children, one of them with
high special needs, I sat down on the couch and
sobbing said "God, I don't know how to do this,
everyone reminds me that I have a child with
special needs and as far as I can see, I have 5
children, all with their own special needs and my
husband has a few of his own special needs as
well!, Whose needs am I supposted to be
meeting today?", and very clearly God dropped
into my Spirit, YOURS.

That day was the beginning of me thinking that
I needed to find time for myself , to check out
how I was traveling through life, to put in place
somethings that worked for me and my family
so I could have a break.

For the next 3 years I had a girl come twice a
month, one day she picked up our eldest child
and the grocery list and got our shopping done
for the month, she also came home and put it
all away, and on the other day she came at 7am
and stayed til 7pm and I walked out of the house
as she arrived and came home again when the
kids were all ready for bed, during that day I
did whatever I wanted, visited friends, met
my husband for lunch, sat and read at a cafe,
whatever worked for me.

Don't wait till you fall apart to take time out,
life as a Mum can be a huge juggling act, find
what works for you and enjoy it.

The Magic Maid is not coming and she hasn't
been to your girlfriends either.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO COOK WHEN THEY ARE LITTLE, YOU CAN HAVE A NIGHT OFF.

Friday nights were "Make it Yourself Nights" for years in our
family, we all loved it that way but especially me as cooking
day in day out for seven people and often extras, it was nice
for a change.

I remember fondly the time our 7 year old son had his 5
year old friend over for dinner and it happened to be a make
it yourself night, Tim asked his younger friend,
"Do you like eggs?" "Yes"
"Do you like boiled or poached", "WHAT?", this little 5 year old
didn't know the difference, Tim decided he would like poached.
Second Course...
"Do you like Instant Pudding?" "Yes"
"Chocolate or Strawberry?" "TIM, ARE WE COOKING DINNER?",
as this concept dawned on him, this little 5 year old boys face was
priceless, you would have thought that these poached eggs and
Instant Pudding was a dinner for Kings.

The Mum of this little guy told us weeks later that he was still
so proud of himself because of that night that he helped cooked
dinner at the Simmonds house.

I also remember one Friday night, one of the boys answering the
phone and telling the caller that they were having Rice Bubbles for
dinner!

Haha, You too can have a night off if you teach your children to
cook eggs!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT GRACE FREE'S YOU FROM FROM ALL THE BONDAGE THAT HAS WEIGHTED YOU DOWN AND CAPTURES YOUR SPIRIT TO SOAR!

Growing up, Grace, was just my grandmothers name and
something that you sung every now and then, since then it
has taken on a whole new meaning.

You know how it is when you stuff up big time and think
that the consequences are not going to be pretty and then
you find there isn't any. And the times you know for sure
that you are not going to get away with speeding, when
you are sitting at the side of the road and the policeman
is checking out all your details, he comes back and says
"Excuse me ma'am, this time I'm just going to caution
you", what is that?
That my friend is GRACE, kids are really good at showing
grace, they forgive you time and time again when you stuff
up with them.

GRACE is also a free gift that God gives you, when we sing
about "Amazing Grace", some of us know that the writer,
John Newton wrote 'Amazing Grace' after learning that God
forgave him, a slave trader, who had participated in the
death of many slaves at sea.

My own sin, much the same as anyone elses, kept me in
bondage and caused a huge weight for me to carry around
and now knowing that God never intended for me to carry
that, has released me to enjoy who I was created to be,
to enjoy my marriage and children, and the freedom and
peace that goes with it.

One of the greatest things in receiving grace is realising
that we can also show it to others and release them from
their burdens too.

Amazing Grace! Of course it is.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE MORE SELF-SUFFICIENT I BECOME, THE FURTHER I AM FROM GOD.

At times we can pride ourselves on how self-sufficient we are, being a self-made person, making it on your own, doing your own thing.


Wikipedia states: SELF SUFFICIENCY refers to the state of not requiring any outside aid, support, or interaction, for survival.


Oh, now I'm cringing because of course I need outside aid, support, and interaction for survival and whoever made the statement that we can have it all, do it all, be it all and by ourselves, was ridiculous, and while we are at it, ONE SIZE does not fit ALL and NEVER WILL!


The times that I try to do things my own way without help from others (when I really need help), I stumble and fall and not usually straight away, usually after I have caused some sort of damage or cost to myself.


God intended us to be in relationship with Him and others so that our journey through life would be much easier than trying to do it alone, to be self-sufficient in somethings is great, like having a shower but in other things, it makes life hard.

Enjoy the Journey.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I DON'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, THEY MIGHT CONTROL ME.

The joy of emotion, the sorrow of emotion.

Pride, Irritation, Anger, Resentment, Guilt, Shame, Condemnation,
Rejection, Grief, Humiliation, Anxiety, Fear, Insecurity, Despair,
Misery, Hurt, Sorrow.

None of us are immune to the downside of our emotions but quite
often we can make choices to change the outcome of these difficult
times so that we can learn from them and don't have to become
defeated in our circumstances.

Four years ago, a good friend and I both lost our daughters in very
different ways, ours, after years of living with Autism and trying to
deal with an unhelpful social system, was placed in long term care,
my friends daughter died suddenly from an undiagnosed illness.

Both girls, 17 & 18, dearly loved, had loving Dads and siblings
who adored them, neither would come home again, our lives
would no longer be the same.

As Mums, we were both thrown into grief overnight, each of the
emotions I mentioned above came to visit us in our darkest
moments. I wept until my cheeks were raw and screamed out to
God that this wasn't supposed to happen, but it had and I wasn't
in control and never was, and there was nothing I could do
except stay close to God and work through what I needed to.
I would like to say that I did this quickly and quietly and
gracefully but the truth is, Me and God, we're still working
on it, but I did make a choice that was a defining moment for me.

One Friday after I had already been crying for weeks, I said to
my husband, "I'm only going to cry until Sunday", he looked at
me like I had gone mad (grief can do that!) and he said, "Talk
to me", I said " I am going to grieve for the rest of my life but
not like this, not this heavy, heavy sorrow, if I don't make this
choice, my emotions will take over", and thats what I did.

My friend also made this decision, she had also recognised
that some emotions are dangerous. Did grief stop when the
decision was made? No. Do we still get overwhelmed sometimes
and cry? Absolutely, but we also allow ourselves to cry.

We have also learned to celebrate our daughters and our
courage for making the decision.

Its not always helpful for others to tell you "Its time to
move on", I pray you have the courage to do so yourself,
and to seek the help you need, no matter what the
circumstance you may be facing.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN EVERYTHING IS STRIPPED AWAY FROM YOU, ALL YOU HAVE LEFT IS RELATIONSHIP.

Sometimes you can have a big day, a big week, a big month or a big year, and sometimes a big life!

Well 2006 was a big year for us and I for one am very thankful that we didn't know going in to it what was going to be around the corner.

We signed a long lease on a house and a few months later our owner died and we had to move so we signed another long lease and our owners had financial difficulty and had to move back in, so in a period of 11 months, we had lived in 3 houses, thats a lot of packing and unpacking! During that time I collapsed from stress and was in bed for 4 months, and to top it off we lost our business and my husband was out of a job.

When you are hit by so many things in a short period of time, its a bit like white water rafting, you don't really have a lot of time to adjust , you just gotta hold on.

I learned that when everything is stripped away from you, all you have left is relationship and even though you are hurting and overwhelmed, its important that we look after those close to us, that while our emotions are stretched to their limits, we need to be careful that we don't do
damage to those around us, usually the ones trying to help us.

Feedback from Life Lessons!

My husband told me yesterday that he thinks I still suffer from LESSON NO.3, You know the one, where I want to be right!

I said "Oh thank you Darling, How do you suggest I work on this?" (Maybe I dreamed this response!!)

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I CHOOSE TO LISTEN, I HEAR THINGS, LIKE MY HUSBANDS POINT OF VIEW. AMAZING, I WISH I HAD LEARNED THIS 24 YEARS AGO,

EVEN 4 YEARS AGO WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.

I don't know if you've ever been there, but sometimes I have
so wanted to get my point of view across that I wasn't even
listening to what he was saying, I was just formulating what
I was going to say next and how I was going to say it and
boy is was going to be good!

Good communication is like a game of tennis, the conversation
goes back and forth, not with somebody hogging the ball and
we don't have to ace our partners, Its a friendly game!

I have a feeling I still have lots to learn....

I HAVE LEARNED THAT I AM NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. (please don't tell David this, he will frame it).

Do those of us who think we know everything, know that you really annoy those of us who do?

Okay, This is confession time, just because I have learned that I am not always right doesn't mean that I'm not always right, it just means that sometimes I could be wrong and I can't think
of one of those occasions, just joking......

The real confession is, I do like to be right, but being right now doesn't matter to me like it did when we were first married or even for the first twenty years.

Dr.Phil, who we affectionately named Uncle Phil, posed a question in his conflict resolution to the couples he counsels, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?".

Its a funny thing to think that something could matter so much to us that we put it above happiness and our relationships, nobody wants to be married to someone who is always right or who thinks they are.

I have learned that somethings don't really matter so much and this is one of them.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAS TREATED ME LIKE ROYALTY, OUR FOUR SONS ARE TURNING OUT THAT WAY TOO.

Over the years you can collect a lot of funny memorabilia, sayings, etc in your family that only mean something to you, those memories become priceless and even lifelong lessons.

One of these things has made me smile many times, its when my husband was taking me out on a date one evening and he told the children that he was going to dinner with the Queen, well the children had no trouble believing him as they knew that their Dad was English and growing up, on a school trip once, he had travelled to London to see the changing of the guard and hoping to

get a glimpse of the Queen, of course there was fits of laughter when they realised that on this occasion their Mum was the Queen. They loved this joke and it continued through the years.

I even heard them relaying it to their friends from time to time.

I see that not only do our children see and copy the annoying things that we do, they also copy the good things.

One night I was late home from a planning meeting for a Women's Retreat and one of the children, while not necessarily saying that they were proud of me would do other things to show it, so when I walked in the door at 11pm ,this 16 year old son greeted me with the music playing quietly, the candles lit and he had made me an apple pie. My heart rejoices when I see the beautiful things my husband has relayed to our sons. (He would like it to be established (16 yr old), Yes he loves to do nice things, and No, he is not gay! haha)

I keep this crown on our dining table to remind me that if I am raising Princes, I better act like a Queen.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL THE ATMOSPHERE IN MY HOME BY HAVING A GREAT ATTITUDE OR NOT.

As a Mum, the way we wake up in the morning and bounce lovingly and joyfully into our day has an effect on who is living in the house with us, (unfortunately, haha).

This was brought home to me when my children were little and I overheard one of them saying to the others, "If Mum ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", and I, like Mary - pondered this saying in my heart (for the rest of my life!!) (I pondered a few other things about this kid in my heart for a while too!).

The irony of it was that between the ages of 1 and 2, this child used to wake up grumpy, not just in the morning but also after his afternoon sleep and the only thing that worked for him was if I put him straight back in his bed after one warning, very quickly he mended his ways and we lived happily together, so in my ponderings and reasonings the thought that I also should go back to bed was very, very tempting.

While hearing my child say this was funny at the time and is still funny now, I determined in my heart from that day that I NEVER wanted to hear that saying again and I haven't, but close relations have echoed through my home from time to time to remind me that I do indeed have the power to control the atmosphere in my home by having a great attitude or not.

LIFE LESSONS.

At this time last year I wrote "What I've learned in 25 Years of Marriage" which ended up to be 25 things, anyway I have been asked a few times if I would turn it into a book and one day I just might but for today I have decided to blog each of the 25 things individually, so that is what I will be blogging about for the next 25 days.


P.S. I probably learned more than 25 things, well I hope I did !

CELEBRATING YOUR OWN WAY!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY - LOTS OF LOVE!

I nearly didn't blog today about our anniversary but then knew I would get messages as to what we did.

Well 5 years ago on our 21st Wedding Anniversary, My wonderful husband thoroughly spoiled me with a Suzuki Grand Vitara with personalised number plates with my name on them, he also bought me a Chevosky Crystal necklace hand made in Paris with 5 crystal hearts on it , one for each of the children, yes, I do know I was spoilt. He got a leather jacket, He still looks spunky in it!

So after that I said we cannot every year try to do better or more or whatever, we just decided to enjoy what happened that year, so then we started a tradition for the next phase of our life, that we would celebrate our anniversary for a week and on one of those days go for a drive and find something we like to symbolise our marriage and the place we are at, hence the photograph of our new wine rack, symbolising that our marriage is like a fine wine, getting richer every year!
Now we just need to fill it.

So, this week we have meet at cafes for coffee and cake, had breakfast together, been for walks,
and been out for dinner, and I have to say not everything goes as you would expect...

Three nights ago I certainly didn't expect to finish our dinner at an amazing restaurant and find myself an hour later on the floor of Hawkesbury Hospital Emergency Centre vomiting my heart out into a sick bag and I sure don't think David thought he would be there holding my hair back, hahaha, now I know what food poisoning is and I never want to have it again, ever.

Whats on the menu tonight? I'm cooking!
Beef Stew with Red Wine Caramelised Veges and Parsley Dumplings, (What can I say, I married a Pom!) And Banoffee Pie.

The days we have to celebrate are special to all of us and I think a key is finding the way to celebrate them that works for you, the decision for us to not think that we had to buy expensive gifts every year or try to do what others do, was a pivotal point for us. Its important to know when to stop or when to alter what we do.

I'm off to grab a takeaway coffee to have with my husband at his work.

Tena koe i to Huritau David, Aroha nui, Nelsa