I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I DON'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, THEY MIGHT CONTROL ME.

The joy of emotion, the sorrow of emotion.

Pride, Irritation, Anger, Resentment, Guilt, Shame, Condemnation,
Rejection, Grief, Humiliation, Anxiety, Fear, Insecurity, Despair,
Misery, Hurt, Sorrow.

None of us are immune to the downside of our emotions but quite
often we can make choices to change the outcome of these difficult
times so that we can learn from them and don't have to become
defeated in our circumstances.

Four years ago, a good friend and I both lost our daughters in very
different ways, ours, after years of living with Autism and trying to
deal with an unhelpful social system, was placed in long term care,
my friends daughter died suddenly from an undiagnosed illness.

Both girls, 17 & 18, dearly loved, had loving Dads and siblings
who adored them, neither would come home again, our lives
would no longer be the same.

As Mums, we were both thrown into grief overnight, each of the
emotions I mentioned above came to visit us in our darkest
moments. I wept until my cheeks were raw and screamed out to
God that this wasn't supposed to happen, but it had and I wasn't
in control and never was, and there was nothing I could do
except stay close to God and work through what I needed to.
I would like to say that I did this quickly and quietly and
gracefully but the truth is, Me and God, we're still working
on it, but I did make a choice that was a defining moment for me.

One Friday after I had already been crying for weeks, I said to
my husband, "I'm only going to cry until Sunday", he looked at
me like I had gone mad (grief can do that!) and he said, "Talk
to me", I said " I am going to grieve for the rest of my life but
not like this, not this heavy, heavy sorrow, if I don't make this
choice, my emotions will take over", and thats what I did.

My friend also made this decision, she had also recognised
that some emotions are dangerous. Did grief stop when the
decision was made? No. Do we still get overwhelmed sometimes
and cry? Absolutely, but we also allow ourselves to cry.

We have also learned to celebrate our daughters and our
courage for making the decision.

Its not always helpful for others to tell you "Its time to
move on", I pray you have the courage to do so yourself,
and to seek the help you need, no matter what the
circumstance you may be facing.