THE RHUBARB CHALLENGE!

Well I am pleased to say that when I set myself
this challenge today, it worked!


I belong to a Fruit & Vege Co-op in my area and
when we collected our order yesterday, the lady who organises
it all said to us "Do you like Rhubarb?" to which my husband
replied, "Yes, I love Rhubarb", followed quickly by "Oh No,
She doesn't know how to cook it!". Inside my head was "Oh,
doesn't she?, of course she doesn't , don't be
stupid", haha so of course I felt the pressure and like the good
wife that I am planning to be someday,I set myself the challenge
of making this Rhubarb and Apple Pie.
I'm sure it will taste divine with custard.


One of the many things I enjoy about being in the Co-op is that
I never know what is going to be in there from week to week.
People ask me if it bothers me to not get exactly what I want,
well in the past getting me exactly what I want in lots of areas
hasn't made me happy so I thought I could just go with the
flow of the buyers and enjoy learning to create new meals
with what I get given, I love it.

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT!

Now, before you start feeling completely sorry for me that
I had to go on my Girlfriend Retreat to Berry this weekend,
I thought I would share with you the things I had to buy so
I felt comfortable being away! I know, I know, it was a
sacrifice to leave a household full of males for 3 days and
be with my girlfriends, but somebody has to do it!

In my basket of goodies I found,

*12 Wine Glasses with bubbles already in them!
*A set of 3 cute notebooks, to take notes on my
girlfriends for my blog -
( shh, they don't actually know this!)
* A bottle of Stone's Original Green Ginger Wine.
* A fabulous pair of Red Felt & Cork Clogs
* The Real Hot Chocolate Spoon!
* Turkish Delight.
* A cute packet of Dried Fruit, Fruit Salad.

I offered to drive halfway, they thought I was being
nice but it was actually in my plan to stop at
the side of the road on the way to Berry where there
is a Brown Fridge full of fudge, the plan got even
better when I discovered no change in my purse
and the girls paid for the wonderful creamy caramel
fudge, life is sweet in the country!
We thanked the Jersey Cows in the paddock close by
for their contribution and took heed of the message
on the honesty box at the bottom of the fridge....

A Father told his Son on leaving home, "Let your
conscience be your guide".

I HAVE LEARNED TO CHILL OUT IF I THINK MY HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE ME, SOME DAYS HE DOESN'T LIKE COFFEE EITHER.

Some days are diamonds, Some days are stone
Some days the hard times won't leave me alone..


Well so it can seem when we struggle.

As a new bride, I remember feeling absolutely
bewildered and undone if my husband was not in
a good mood or was having his own hard times,
I thought I needed to change the way that I was,
so that he was happy. I now know that it is not
my job to make or keep my husband or anyone
else in my life happy, they get to make that choice
themselves just the way that we also need to
make our own choices on how we are going to
travel through life.

Giving or Receiving love doesn't have to be such
a mystery either now that we have great books
available like "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary
Chapman.


"You don't need to be on each others wavelengths
to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able
to ride each others wave's."

I HAVE LEARNED THAT MY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A DANCE, SOMETIMES POETIC AND COOL LIKE SWANLAKE, SOMETIMES HOT AND ALLURING LIKE THE TANGO, SOMETIMES YOU GET

TO DANCE TOGETHER STEP BY STEP LIKE
A WALTZ, GENTLY AND WITHOUT PRESSURE
AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DANCE ALONE.



Just because the music has stopped for a season or
the beat changes, doesn't mean we stop dancing....


Marriage is such a journey and one that can take us
to places that we never knew existed and some we
wouldn't wish to know about, but since we find
ourselves there, we oughta make the most of it,
Its an ugly thing to find ourselves somewhere we
don't want to be and to rebel against it with every
thing that is within us and then to find out later
that the key to getting out of the situation all lay
in our attitude.


How I would have submitted to the rules of the
lesson much earlier if I had of known I could
make such a difference.



The music may change, don't stop dancing.


We do actually have our own song that we dance
too and have done through the 26 years, and 3
years ago when we went on holiday,one of our
sons put it on his Ipod so we could dance on
the beach in Fiji....


" and when you get the choice to sit out or dance,
I hope you dance"

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF GOD HAS A PATH FOR ME AND I WANT MY OWN WAY, I WILL ONLY BE SETTLING FOR SECOND BEST.

I work tirelessly to work something out in my
own strength, (usually my future) knowing
that I have bitten off more than I can chew,
knowing that if I keep working tirelessly I
will only get exhausted but I still haven't
tried out Option J, K & L yet, its obviously
not time for me to reach out for some expert
help, I haven't quite hit that brick wall yet
that is certain to stop me in my tracks.

Ever feel like you get on this treadmill of
"if it's to be its up to me?" and just end up
exhausted and disillusioned?
I clearly remember a time where I thought
to myself that this treadmill is on a cycle
going nowhere and I'm not happy, am I?
I had to stop and take stock of what was
going on.

I knew that it clearly said in my bible
"I know the plans that I have for you,
plans to prosper you and not to harm
you,plans to give you a hope and a future"
and yet I wasn't feeling that hopeful or
harmless, I was feeling trapped and
tired of things not working.

When I rested on verses like this one
in Jeremiah 29:11, and trusted God for
my future, I learned that all my striving
would only get me second best compared
to the future God has planned for me.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES I SHOULD SPEAK UP AND SOMETIMES I SHOULD SHUT UP. (THEY SOUND SO ALIKE, NO WONDER I GET CONFUSED).

Just because we have a tongue, doesn't mean
we have to use it, I know, novel idea isn't it? haha.

I was discussing with a good friend a few years ago
about how often our friendship was saved because
we didn't always comment on things that the other
was saying or doing, for me this is really freeing
knowing that others don't always need my opinion
and I also get to learn along the way of what other
people are thinking and doing, quite refreshing
really.

I have so much to learn from the amazingly
gifted and talented people in my world and
I don't want to miss out on that , I hope to stay
teachable my whole life.

You cannot fill a cup thats already full!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU HAVE HIGH EMOTION, YOU HAVE VERY LOW OR NO LOGIC - TRY NOT TO MAKE BIG DECISIONS THEN.

Ever made an emotional decision and regretted it?

We can often think we know what we want when
we want it and don't think about the consequences.

Weddings are a great example in western society,
for some reason the wedding day has all been made
to centre around the bride, forgetting that the
wedding day is actually just a door way to the
marriage, the marriage, THE MARRIAGE!

Because of the height of emotion in planning this
day, all of a sudden all reasoning seems to go out
the door and this girl child that you have lovingly
raised wants (and sometimes demands) to have..

the perfect ring
the perfect dress
the perfect groom
the perfect bridesmaids
the perfect nails
the perfect hair
the perfect flowers
the perfect venue
the perfect photos
the perfect cars
the perfect honeymoon
the perfect house

the list could go on and on, I popped the groom in
the mix somewhere because he does seem to end
up there at times, just as part of the list. The
headache of giving in to these demands can have
far reaching effects, for both newly married couples
and contributing parents.

This is just an example of letting emotion overtake
us, let us not be a part of manipulating our own
lists to get our own way when we are highly
emotional, wait until we have worked through
what is going on, applying reason to our situations.
(Not to manipulate then, haha) but to make good
sound choices for our futures.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE ROUTE ( FROM LIFE AND ITS MANY PROBLEMS), YOU DON'T USUALLY LOOK AT WHERE OR WHAT

YOU ARE RUNNING TO, JUST WHAT YOU ARE
RUNNING FROM - IF WE HAD OUR EYES WIDE
OPEN TO SEE WHERE WE WERE GOING, WE
OFTEN WOULD NOT GO THERE.



There are many escape routes in this journey
through life, things that we turn to when the
going gets tough, things that we think will
take us away from the difficult, mundane lives
that we may be living. Things that we think
will give us more excitement, more money,
more power, more friends, more influence,
less worry, less boredom, fewer problems.



Some of the most popular escape routes
available today are television, computer
games, legal drugs, illegal drugs, drinking,
gambling, affairs - physical and emotional,
keeping busy.



An escape route is usually there to be able
to remove ourselves from danger, to be
able to have a way out when our lives are
threatened but these days we choose to try
and find a way out when we aren't in danger.

We have looked to have something fill a part
of us that we long to be content in.
We need to look at what we are choosing to
do, to change what needs changing without
taking a path that is causing damage to
ourselves or others in an attempt to deaden
our pain from the lives that we may have found
ourselves in.



By looking ahead to see where we could end
up ,can save us a lot of heartache.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WISDOM IS A WONDERFUL FRIEND!

I could not live without my friend WISDOM popping
into my life and spending quality time with me!
Now she may not have taken me out and bought me
Lattes and Sushi like some of my other friends,
but I am very thankful that whenever I have called
on her, she has showed up and given me just what
I needed when I needed it.

JUST SOME OF THE THINGS WISDOM HAS
TAUGHT ME...

* Wounds from a sincere friend are better than
many kisses from an enemy.

* Sometimes my friendships have been enriched
because I have spoken up and some because I
have shut up!

* The tortoise still finishes the race!

* There is no lion waiting in my kitchen to devour
me so I might as well get out of bed and start
my housework.

* If I don't put my lipstick on one day, he doesn't
notice, if I don't put it on for a week, he does!

* If I am late getting dinner on and put the oven
on with an onion in it, he thinks its on its way!

* If you like chocolate and eat too much of it,
you'll get sick.

* Singing cheerful songs to a person with a
heavy heart, is like taking someone's coat in
cold weather.

* If you want to build a tower, don't begin until
you have sat down and counted the cost,
whether you have enough to complete it.

* Sometimes a change is as good as a holiday!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT PMT IS JUST A MYTH. MY HUSBAND DOES SEEM TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM ONCE A MONTH THOUGH!

Okay, Okay, There may have been some tension
over the years at this time but having done my
calculations and worked it all out I have noticed
that once a month;

: My husband tells jokes that aren't funny,
: The kids don't help with any of their jobs,
: The house looks like someone trashed it,
: I feel like crying and
: I have nothing to wear.

So glad that PMT is just a myth girlfriends,
I would hate to be throwing a tantrum monthly
as well!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE TRUTH SETS YOU FREE.

When I became a Christian 21 Years ago, God sent
to me an angel in the form of a beautiful older
woman who walked with me through some really
interesting times of my life.

I was a single mum with 2 beautiful little boys,
1 & 3, and in my mind I didn't really know much
about anything (probably why I was sent this
angel!)

One of the most signficant pieces of advise she
ever told me was, "If someone comes to tell you
something about yourself, your husband, your
children, that is hard for you to hear,thank them
for coming, and thank God for allowing you to
see things from their point of view, then ask
God what is truth and what He wants you
to deal with and throw the rest away".

This has been amazing advise that
has taught me much through the years,
Its not easy to hear some things and it's
certainly not easy for people to come and
tell us what we may need to hear, both
need courage. Be courageous!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOME THINGS ARE DRAINS IN LIFE, ENERGY DRAINS, FINANCIAL DRAINS, BRAIN DRAINS, EMOTIONAL DRAINS - YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BLOCK THEM

BEFORE THEY DRAIN THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

Wow, We do have huge capacities to cope with a
lot of things in life but generally its not good for us
to try to cope with everything at once and at
times we have a lot of things coming our way
and we need to learn to negotiate the path that
we are going to take so that we are still running
our life well and not on empty.

ENERGY DRAINS - Those things that totally
exhaust you so that you have nothing left to
give, we need a balance so that we are not
giving out all the time and leaving nothing
left for ourselves or the fun things in life.

FINANCIAL DRAINS - You know those
things that we think we really really want
and you don't even like when you get them
home. Its actually okay to enjoy and be
content with what we have. This winter I
gave myself a challenge, only to buy a
couple of accessories and be creative with
what I already have in my wardrobe, I'm
loving this.

BRAIN DRAINS - I know this may sound
new to some of us, but we are allowed to
rest and relax our minds, to read or watch
mindless funny things. We are even
allowed to learn from our mistakes, haha,
If we're really clever we can learn from
other peoples mistakes as well!
Don't think so much, just learn the lessons!

EMOTIONAL DRAINS - Sometimes we
surround ourselves with right thing at
wrong time, takes chick flicks for example,
I love a good chick flick but if I am already
emotionally stretched, I know I'm not
doing myself any favours by taking
myself too close to the edge, I need to
live in such a way that my reserve tank
is always full.

Don't let life drain out of you.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE LITTLE, THEY WATCHED EVERYTHING I DID, - AND THEN THEY TOLD THE NEIGHBOURS!

For 7 years we were Diary Farmers in New Zealand
and during the winter we sent our cows to be
looked after (wintered) at different farms about
three hours away. They travelled in trucks and
we drove behind them.

On this particular trip, the cows were loaded up
and our four year old was going to travel with the
truck driver and was very excited, he had been
sitting in the cab with him for about ten minutes
when the truckie pulled up beside me and wound
down his window and said, "Hey Lady, You ain't
got no secrets now". Hahaha.

And thats the way it is with kids!

HE HAS...

He has

sent ME to

HEAL


the


BROKEN HEARTED

(and you)

I HAVE LEARNED TO LISTEN, LOVE & LAUGH.

AND USUALLY IN THAT ORDER.

As a Mother and Wife, you have a big variety of jobs
on any one day, and that can mean a lot of different
hats to put on, and a lot of juggling to try and get
everything right.

Take the preteen years for example; one day they
feel like they are grown up, the next day they feel
like they are still young, ( well they may not feel
like it but they can sure act like it), so that could
mean that they want you for a parent one day and
a friend the next but they don't actually come
with badges to tell you which day is which, so
often you can get it wrong.

Because we had two boys and then a girl and then
two boys, our third son used to call the older boys
'the bigs' and the younger ones 'the littles', we
were always amused during that preteen time as
he would be one of the bigs if they were doing cool
stuff and one of the littles if they were getting
treats!

I have learned during those years that I didn't
need to solve all the problems, disputes,
arguments, dilemmas that came up, often I
just needed to listen, love and laugh. This was
often more empowering for them than telling
them what to do although quite often they
needed advice as well.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF YOU GET DEALT A HAND STACKED AGAINST YOU IN LIFE, YOU DON'T GET A REDEAL, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE THOUGH - TO PLAY THE BEST

DAMN HAND YOU CAN!

People have often said to me over the years, "You must
have really loved your husband to get back together
with him after 3 years?", I just smile sweetly and tell
the truth, "No actually, I couldn't stand the sight of him
and he couldn't stand the sight of me, and it was the
first time we had agreed on something for a long time",
haha, maybe we thought we could make it.

So why? Well after we split up and I decided to live
my life as a Christian, I also decided I would live my
life the best way I knew how and that meant that any
time I thought the cards were stacked against me, that
I would find a way to lay them out on the table that
looked like I had a hand full of aces.

For me that meant that I would always choose to
be a student of my circumstances and not a victim
of someone else's decisions.

I remember in the first few months of getting back
together and sitting on the bathroom floor and
sobbing, asking God for strength to live with this
man who didn't love me and asking God at the same
time, "What was I thinking? And how come you let
me do this, whose idea was this anyway???


Yes, sometimes I played my hand too early and I
got beaten up a bit and other times I showed my
cards to people who used them against me, but all
in all , I have played the best damn hand I could,
and I would do it all again.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT GRIEF HAS IT'S OWN AGENDA, IT ARRIVES WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT AND LEAVES ON ITS OWN ACCORD.

Grief - Something I realise now that we all must face one
day, in one form or another, and we will all face it our
own way, there is no right way to grieve, each must
work through the sorrows of life, the loss of whatever
or whoever we hold dear, this is a subject I never
wanted to know anything about and yet, I have learned
to make Grief and Sorrow my friends incase they call
to visit me again one day, I never want to be caught
unaware again.

Looking back, I don't know that I handled this part of
my life particularly well but having said that, I don't
know what I would have done differently. For a long
time I kept the sorrow inside of me which was bad
for my health, I was very thankful to discover that I
could write about it in the form of poems and in
that way I learned to express it.

So even though Grief does have its own agenda,
arriving when you least expect it and leaving on its
own accord, I found I could learn to face it and
manage it and not let it overwhelm me anymore.

A poem I wrote in the midst of my journey with
Grief...


SLIPPING AWAY

Contained within these pages
Is more than you can see
Mingling with the ink
Is the very heart of me

The words are laced with passion
That I just can't express
To communicate heartache
To write down distress

These pages should be drowning you
They cry a pool of tears
They carry packed emotion
that I've gathered through the years

I try to ignore them
They haunt me even more
The words they overtake me
Leaving me hurt and raw

Where have they been hiding
These words of my heart
Seeing them on paper
Is pulling me apart

How do you write a scream
That never ever ends
Speak to me indifference
You'd make a great friend.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT FRIENDS ARE LIKE FLOWERS, SOME ONLY SEASONAL, SOME YOU ONLY WANT TO SEE AT A DISTANCE, SOME ARTIFICAL, SOME ARE EXPENSIVE

AND HARD TO MAINTAIN, OTHERS YOU WANT TO PICK
AND TAKE HOME EVERY WEEK AND SOME FILL YOUR
LIFE WITH PERFUME. THANK GOD FOR FRIENDS!

When I wrote this as one of my lessons last year, I had so
many friends ask me "OK Nelsa, which one am I?" haha,
Well all my friends are special for different reasons, they
each add a different fragrance to my life and its true, like
real flowers, some friends are seasonal, not because we
don't want them for friends any more but I like to think
that they have been given to us for a time in our lives
when we may have needed the Colour and Perfume that
they have added.

I have tried to dissuade my children from using the term
"best friends", because I always thought that left people
out and we can have friends for different things, some I
go to the movies with, some I laugh out loud with (until
our stomachs ache and tears are rolling down our faces),
some I cry with, some I wagged school with, some who
have known me since we were 6years old and vulnerable,
some who knew me when I shaved my hair off. Some
are new friends.

Sometimes I try to imagine being in the same room at
at the same time with all my friends, what a bouquet
that would be!

I hope to be the kind of friend that expects nothing,
who can just pick up where we left off last week,
last month, last year, whenever.

These days I appreciate my friends SO much, they
are the spice of life.

Thank you for Colouring my World.
Nelsa x